Ex-Communicating the Ex

The current relationship should get the most respect.  So, yes, a current girlfriend has the right to ask that he not see his ex.  

I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I have NO desire for him to meet any of my exes or to meet any of his.

This is a difficult topic. There is no right or wrong answer. I think it just depends on the situation with your current significant other. It should also be noted that a lot of people would answer differently to "Should you be friends with your ex?" and "Should your significant other be friends with their ex?"

Since I don't really know if there is a correct relationship with exes, I would break it down into two considerations. First, consider whether or not you can resist any temptations with your ex as well as be able to trust your partner with their own temptations. Unfortunately, if either person in a relationship has doubts about the situation, it will inevitably turn ugly. It has to be one way or the other. Either no doubts and complete trust or you can't be friends with any exes.

The second consideration is respect. You may decide to not be friends with your exes out of respect to your partner. It doesn't matter whether your partner trusts you or whether you have temptations. You may do this to show your significant other that you respect them enough to avoid the situation altogether. No need to figure any of that other stuff out. No need to evaluate that friendship later on. It's all avoided. Keep in mind that this has to be each individual's choice so that there is no resentment.

What do my wife and I do? Well, the choice is easy on her part. She has no interest in being friends or even contacting her exes. I always seemed to leave on very good terms with my exes, though. I could see myself being friends with them, but I admit that it would be weird. I think you get used to acting a certain way towards them and it would be difficult to change the to something purely platonic. I like to think I take the respect route, though. Friendship with any of them is not worth the possibility of it becoming an issue in my marriage.

I'd say it's best to MOVE ON! Don't hang on to your exes! You can still be cordial to each other, but I don't think it's necessary to be best friends, go on one-on-one "dates," etc. Group gatherings may be appropriate, perhaps?

I've come to find that men are only friends with women they want to have sex with.  So if your ex no longer wants to hang out with you.... he's moved on.

I think there are times when there genuinely is nothing going on, but you usually can feel it in your gut. 

My current boyfriend had a platonic female friend that became almost "jealous" when I moved in. It was the same thing that Mary encountered - where I wasn't invited to outings, and when we held them here, she didn't come.

Even his SISTER sat him down and told him that this woman (who is married) was looking at him as more than a friend and he needed to stop allowing it to continue. We only hung out in group events after that. 

Eventually, she just became too dramatic for my boyfriend to tolerate and they rarely talk anymore, just occasional emails. I've also heard that she now has another really good male friend, now that she's not hanging out with my boyfriend as often. I think she's just the type of woman who needs excess male attention that she doesn't get from her husband.

Even if it's not sexual, it's still a relationship that crosses a line when it becomes really emotional and close. You can tell when they're threatened, and when they don't like YOU, that's a big hint and problem.

i would get pissed if my ex's girlfriend say i couldn't talk to him, but then i would be doing the same thing with my (now)boyfriend! its a double edged sword. i think you have the right to voice a concern but you don't have the right to making people 'off limits.' i'm also a believer in not planting the seed..in other words, if my boyfriend acts jealous about anyone from an ex to a guy at work, most likely i never thought twice about having feelings for that person until he started acting jealous. same goes with women, if you act jealous and demand that they cant see someone, you're putting the idea in their head that something is there. its like the forbidden fruit.

This topic is always a problem for me. :/ All my girlfriends never let me to see my exes. Even a small chat. But if you ask me, if it is a new break up, not to see each other is better idea for a while, than everyone can be a friend.  On the other hand if you  your boyfriend his ex wanna do something trust me they will do it... So don't be panic but don't loose the control... :)

Hey Guys,

Great topic. My two cents: the ex girlfriend should know her place, e.g. back down! I have been the intimidating ex (dated for 5 years, he had a really hard time getting over me). Because I wish him the best, and thought is was important to move on. I didn't contact him. Called on birthdays, thats pretty much it. I think that's the classy thing to do. Give the new girl a break, let her know he is now 'her territory'. Doing otherwise to me is a little bit self indulgent and selfish. He's not yours anymore and being real friends with your ex isn't really possible anyway. Wishing each other the best and caring about one another is the best you can do in my opinion. And that means putting their happiness above your own need for attention.

Julia, I know you will probably never have the self awareness to realize this because you can't come down from your fluffy pink cupcake cloud of delusion for five seconds, but you really come across as a slightly deranged, creepy and pathetic ex stalker in this episode.

Here's the thing, you are signing up for a relationship with a person that has a variety of traits, and you like him because of those traits.  Trying to change those traits or dictate behavior or forbid certain activity is ridiculous.  If you can't deal, he isn't the right man for you.

Per Mary's example, when a dude goes back to his ex, it sucks in it's own special way, but bottom line it means it wasn't meant to be.  Regardless of whether you were condoning or prohibiting interaction between the two, he wouldn't have ended up with you forever and always no matter what if he was still interested in another chick.

Communication with the Ex all depends on the type of relationship you had and how serious it got.  I personally think it is impossible to be friends/communicate with an ex if you were in love.  If you know how to be friends with an ex, please let me know the secret!!